I find myself at work by myself a lot. Sometimes by choice, sometimes by happenstance. It's unusual to think about it, at times. I work at the space center. I work inside of a school at a district hot spot that is normally crowded with people. Last night, and for just a few minutes tonight, I found myself alone, walking the newly polished halls of central elementary alone, with nobody but my subconscious to entertain me.
I don't know how many of you have ever been to the space center, but I have been there for years. I have truly fallen in love with the place. It's so much fun to be able to explore the what if, and leave the real world behind for a time. I think of all the away missions I was a part of in the halls, and all the scary alien creatures that have ambushed me, and tried to take my life. It's funny, I walk the school and still think about those things, and admittedly, sometimes I even spook myself out a little bit.
Last night, after having spooked myself sufficiently, I walked out back to climb into my car, a little 2 door putter. As I walked out the door, I looked on the roof to see another, what appeared to be a human, person staring at me. I startled, and then clenched my fists, just in case. The boy instantly bounded from the roof, and sprinted across the school's field to get away. In a line-up, I couldn't pin the kid, but it sure spooked me a little bit. This isn't the first time I've been terrified at the Space Center, and I'm sure it won't be the last.
Today I went to the dentist. Speaking of dungeons- it doesn't matter how you dress up an office to look, the dentist's office is still a place of fear, melancholy, and hate. You walk in there to hear the screams of the disobedient children in the back who have just had their tongues cut out, and the cries of the parents who are being beaten for their lack of attendance. The dentist, who struts around like the honorable sheriff of Nottingham, has change jingling in his pockets, and all sorts of metal torture tools that truly weren't meant for your mouth- I mean they are hooks for Pete's sake.
As I arrived. I could see an old man in shackles walking towards his room. His room was open to my view so I could see inside. Something resembling a saw mill was on the other side of the room. I thought it best not to ask questions. It was definitely not worth having to have that used on any part of me. An old lady, with a wart on her nose, a hunched back, and wrinkles to the floor waved me towards my room, she handed me off to a lady who seemed nice enough, but I knew it was a facade. It was good cop, bad cop. I was already ready for the show. She treated me all sweet like as she took the x-rays. I sat there, still as I could as she frolicked about the room, throwing fairy dust, and joy around. I almost succumbed to her charade, but then, as she left, I saw the dentist himself.
The dentist stood at the door, reading a clipboard- I later learned that it wasn't my file on the clipboard, but a Victoria's Secret magazine. He stared at me, grunted, and then proceeded to grab a shepherds crook, and ram it into my mouth. He prowled around, looking for something to say about me, and how bad my teeth were, but had nothing. He couldn't force me to pay the fees for poor teeth like the old man in the saw room. I smirked a little, only to have the "sweet" lady remind me that if I acted like that the king may be notified. I would hate to be confined to the dungeon for all eternity, so I frowned, and sat still. The dentist decided that I was permissible and let me leave. I was relieved that I survived the experience.
So, now that I have escaped all things lurking from the dungeons, I hope to be able to avoid them tomorrow.
--Brack
TENDER MERCIES
1) Jon Parker- Jon just makes life easier at work. He always is looking for ways to help, and takes care of me when things go awry. I truly appreciate him as a co-worker, and as one of my friends.
2) My dad took some time to play ping pong with me today even though he had a boat load of work to complete. He didn't know at the time, but my anxiety was incredibly high, and I was in desperate need of a distraction- it was a blessing to me.
3) My parents helped me out with a purchase I desperately needed today, and it really took a lot of stress and worry off of my back. I am very grateful for their continued support of me, and what I do.
I sat looking up at the stars with a friend the other night. We were talking. The stories were good, the company great, the location one of my favorites. I can't remember all the times I've sat on the hill at Central Elementary, and looked up at those stars, all at different times, and just breathed them in. This time, though, it seemed different. The stars seemed closer. The air seemed more perfect. The area was, for the most part, silent. There was a serenity there.
As I looked up, noting the several prominent constellations, and thinking to myself on life, I realized something that I never had realized in a particular light before. God really does love us. He really exists, and He really loves us. I know this because if he didn't, he wouldn't have spent the extra time to beautify the earth. He would have slapped it together, made it half-crapped, and thrown us here to deal with it. Instead, we have all sorts of wonders that fill our souls with pure excitement, and take our breath. That to me is an expression of love.
I remember in grade school all of the times I would work really hard on those Mother's Day gifts because I wanted my mom to know I loved her when I handed her that gift on that day. I feel the same thing when I see things like the night sky, or the sunrise, or the moon brilliantly guiding the night. God loves me.
For those of you that say there is no God. That Earth just happened to be, I am sorry for you. I am sorry that you can't see that God cares, and loves about each one of us, and wants us to live the way He's asked so that we can be in His presence again. If you can take a jigsaw puzzle, shake it around in it's box, and then open the box to find all of the pieces fitting together perfectly, then you may have a chance to prove to me that the way this world fits together was an accident- but you never will, and therefore, I declare and proclaim that God is Earth's maker, and He still beautifies her every day.
The last little while I've been attempting to change time zones. That involves me staying up a little later, and getting up later as well. I hope that it works to acclamate me to Hawaii time before I get there.
I am so excited to go play as a Seasider at BYU Hawaii. There are so many things that make my heart pound as I think about them. I look forward to meeting my teammates, playing with Jet Chang, learning to surf, taking a real institute class instead of one that has 4 people in it that boils down to opinion and not doctrine ;) (no offense intended, just not my style). I can't wait to feel the ocean breeze, smell the salt as it is carried inland. I can't wait to meet the people, learn the culture, have a chance at a fresh start again. I can't wait to get back into school, and do those things that come with it. I just cannot wait to get there. September 9th... The countdown begins.
Well, it's time for me to sleep. I've been up late enough I suppose. Can't wait for tomorrow to kick off- I have a nasty project sitting ahead of me. Wish me luck!
--Brack
TENDER MERCIES OF THE DAY/Week/MONTH
1) I had a really rough time at church yesterday, a full blown panic attack in the middle of church. Not only is such a thing totally embarrassing, but it's just hard to cope with. My mom really made an effort to make sure I was ok today, as did my dad. I really appreciate it! Today would have been much rougher without them.
2) I am finally catching up on sleep after a ridiculous decision to stay up all night on Tuesday rewiring the Voyager control room at work. The good news is, I am catching back up, and I'm feeling better!
3) Kristin Anderson gets a huge thanks from me! She really made a difference in a conversation that we had earlier, and it meant a lot to me. I'm really grateful for experiences of those who have blazed any trial or trail before me.
